


Judas

by YellowLipstick



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Biblical Scripture References (Abrahamic Religions), Cussing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Public Sex, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sex Toys, Smut, Song Lyrics, Voyeurism, Weddings, fili and kili are not related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:54:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22055608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YellowLipstick/pseuds/YellowLipstick
Summary: Fili has been lusting after Kili for months, but will the tempting brunette just betray him in the end?
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	1. Judas Iscariot

**Author's Note:**

> Songs: “Judas” by Lady Gaga  
“Marry The Night” by Lady Gaga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili watches Kili as he engages in promiscuous acts with most of the student body, wanting the luscious brunette all to himself.

“When he comes to me I am ready

I’ll wash his feet with my hair if he needs

Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain

Even after three times he betrays me

I’ll bring him down, bring him down, down

A king with no crown, king with no crown

I’m just a Holy Fool, oh baby he’s so cruel

But I’m still in love with Judas, baby

I’m just a Holy Fool, oh baby he’s so cruel

But I’m still in love with Judas, baby”

-Lady Gaga, “Judas”  
  


Fili had tried to change his mind, his feelings, over it all. He had prayed over it, tormented himself over it, and he knew he would sink into a flaming abyss for this; but he didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t watch Kili every day, obsess over him, want him with everything, without giving in to his sinful desires anymore.

It had started months ago, the first time he had walked in on the punk rock, gothic boy in the bathroom at school. Kili had been on his knees, ripped denim brushing against the dirty tile, elbow-length, fine hair tangled in the other boy’s fingers, eyeliner smearing down his face in tracks as he deep throated the huge cock. Somehow-and only Kili would really have the talent to do this-somehow, the brunette had flicked a sultry glance up at Fili and smirked. Even with that huge cock deep in his throat, he had fucking smirked at the shocked blonde.

Fili had never been attracted to another male before, but God, now he couldn’t masturbate without thinking about the tempting brunette. Everything about Kili was wrong, sinful, and so desirable in it’s forbidden temptation. The thin brunette always wore ripped denim and worn leather, eyeliner, and sometimes, black lipstick. His hair always had a rumpled, sexed-up look, and his nails were painted black to match the wide gauges in his ears. His piercings were numerously littered across his ears and face, and Fili had caught himself wondering more than once if the brunette also had piercings hiding underneath his trashed clothing. The battered converse Kili wore every day were practically falling apart, and the duct tape and sharpie the boy had liberally applied on them wasn’t helping.

It was being close to Kili, sitting next to him in a class or passing in the hallway that really got to Fili. He smelled like sweat and sex, like dirty sheets and something heavenly Fili just couldn’t put his finger on, but very much wanted to try figuring out by getting closer. Fili felt like a snake was charming him, get too close, and he’d surely get bitten, poisoned. Surely Kili was a demon, sent to torment him, but Jesus, did the boy have the most beautiful, if not seductive, smile he had ever seen.

Fili hadn’t realized how attached, how obsessed, he’d become until he found the boy behind the bleachers one day while he had been on his way to football practice. Kili had a cheerleader on her back underneath him, whorishly moaning his name as he fucked her silly on his fingers. Fili couldn’t help the sharp pang of jealousy that ran through him. Kili had never even spoken two words to him; he had no claim over the boy. They were from different worlds. Kili rolled into school with his punk rock, gothic get-up and basically sexed up the whole damn place while Fili was an honor student, a football player, and maintained a leadership position with his Church’s youth group. Kili was clearly bi-sexual and Fili, until this point, had only ever dated girls-and where Kili was ridiculously experienced, Fili had only ever kissed a girl before, nothing more.

Kili was dark, sultry, and tempestuous-walking sin; and Fili was blonde and blue-eyed, innocent and pure. Well, had been innocent and pure until Kili had sauntered into his classroom, effectively stealing all his attention and affections with one seductive glance and that damned sexy-as-fuck smirk of his. Kili always had this certain way of smirking, whether his lips were stretched around a cock or chewing on his pencil, he would tilt one side of his mouth and pull his lip piercing in with his teeth; and it always made Fili’s prick harden in his pants to see.

This was a bad idea, it could only end terribly for him, he was sure Kili would somehow betray him. He had slept with half the school it seemed and what would keep his attentions on the fumbling, naïve blonde? Who was so religiously tied-up he wouldn’t even be comfortable admitting their relationship publically, or coming to terms with his own feelings, really. Was it a sin to want Kili? Maybe not, with more churches advocating for LGBT rights these days, but to want him the way he did? Yes, it was sinful. Definitely. He wanted Kili carnally, wanted to fuck him and to be fucked by him in every which way. He didn’t want to wait until marriage, didn’t want to make love, he wanted to fuck the sexy brunette, more than he had ever wanted anything-and he thought Kili knew it too, in each smoldering smirk he sent his way.

If he was supposed to be like Christ, if he was supposed to live his life as such-than surely Kili would be his Judas. He would betray him, Fili was certain of it. How could he hold such a creature to himself?

Yet even as he walked in on Kili in a compromising situation again, near his car this time, giving some guy a hand job, he couldn’t stop the flaring attraction-the want-the need, to consume him. Really, did Kili do this on purpose? It was like he planned his sexual escapades around the blonde’s schedule and location. He probably did, Fili thought, eyes widening as his mouth dried and his palms dampened with sweat, drinking in the sultry smirk Kili was shooting at him over the other boy’s shoulder.

The other boy finally noticed Fili and scrambled to zip his pants up, cock quickly going limp in Kili’s talented hands as he tried to tuck it away, before he pulled back and ran off. The kid was probably embarrassed at being caught with the school bicycle, the whorish brunette who didn’t seem to give a flying fuck over what people thought of him and his reputation.

Finally…fucking finally, they were alone. After all this time, Fili didn’t know what to say. He cleared his throat and wiped his sweaty hands on his pants nervously while Kili eyed him lazily, much like a predator sizing-up their prey.

“Hey Blondie,” Kili purred with a smirk, eyes lingering on Fili’s golden hair, pulled back into a neat braid and knotted at the base of his neck.

“H-hi,” Fili stammered back uncertainly, blushing furiously as he felt his cock stiffen in his pants at just the sound of the brunette’s sexy purr.

Kili held out his hand, which only moments before had been on another boy’s dick, and offered it palm-up to Fili. ‘Take it or walk away’, his posturing and dark eyes seemed to say and Fili felt for all the world like he was on the precipice, about to jump or fall, he wasn’t certain.

Fili took Kili’s dirty hand tightly, clutching it like he needed the brunette to live, and maybe he did after all, need him, in every way.

As Fili laced their fingers together, the brunette leading him towards his own, battered Honda, he felt his gut clench, twisting in either happiness or trepidation-he hadn’t yet decided. Kili spoke so rarely and that hadn’t changed now, they hadn’t talked since the brunette had greeted him. Fili felt his heart pounding, could feel the blood rushing in his ears; would this be the ruin of him? Starting this moment? Would Kili betray him and leave him broken-hearted with his needs un-quenched? He had so many worries; so many voices all shouting over themselves in his head, and flushed in shame when he heard a slight, worried whimper slip past his sealed, pink lips.

Kili turned then, releasing Fili’s hand to open the car door, “Relax Blondie, I’m just taking you out to dinner. You’re the classy kind, I can tell. I’ll romance you before I slip into you pants,” he chuckled lasciviously, before his face adopted an uncharacteristically serious look, “Took me long enough to get your attention,” he murmured.

Fili gawked at the brunette, flabbergasted; did Kili really think he hadn’t noticed him all this time? Had he really just been trying to get his attention in, clearly, one of the only ways he knew how-to shock him into noticing?

“You’ve had my attention, Kili,” Fili whispered back, feeling a great pressure releasing inside his chest as the brunette’s name finally fell from his lips.

“I fuck around a lot, Blondie, but I don’t plan on fucking around with you for shits and giggles,” Kili replied gruffly.

Fili’s stomach flipped over, it seemed like the rough brunette was trying to be…affectionate? Caring? Perhaps Kili wasn’t the Judas Fili thought him to be, but he supposed only time would tell. For now though, he would give him the benefit of the doubt, something he had really not been doing all along as he judged his actions and ruled their implications all on his own in his mind.

“Dinner would be nice,” Fili rasped out, hands clenching at his pants just to hold onto something before he flew away with his excited, jagged heartbeat and shifting in his seat slightly to hopefully make the bulging erection he was sporting less obvious.

Kili slammed the door shut and went around to his side, smiling to himself as he went, feeling real happiness well up inside of him-something he hadn’t felt for many years. The golden blonde wanted him back, at least would consider dating him. After watching Fili for the first several months of school and realizing they were entirely different people he had been too cowardly to just approach the blonde openly, so he had seduced and tempted him with nonchalance, promiscuity, and sexuality, and it had clearly worked. He wanted the blonde for more than just a quick fuck but this was the first step to all that, now that he’d finally gotten him to agree to a date.

Fili glanced at Kili as he sat in the driver’s seat, always noticing him, maybe paying attention a little too closely. It was no different now, though he didn’t have to stare covertly, he just openly gazed at the beautiful, rough-edged brunette as he sat there waiting for Kili to start the car.

“Like what you see, Blondie?” Kili smirked amusedly.

Fili nodded dumbly, blushing at his lack of verboseness.

“Well let’s get the fuck out of here then,” Kili whispered huskily before starting the car and driving off.

Fili settled back into his seat and groaned as his erection pushed against his zipper, he would have to fix that; maybe Kili could help him with it later. He said a silent prayer for forgiveness to God in his head for what he was about to do, for the good life he was about to turn upside-down for this enthralling boy. He found he didn’t care though, the guilt had sunk away, and he only could smile as his heart thrummed while Kili drove them off towards the setting sun, into the nighttime and the dark grace only hedonistic bliss could sing of.


	2. Doubting Thomas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili doubts Kili's intentions with him as their relationship progresses and the brunette remains unexpectedly chaste.

“I couldn’t love a man so purely

Even prophets forgave his crooked way

I’ve learned love is like a brick you can

Build a house or sink a dead body

I’ll bring him down, bring him down, down

A king with no crown, king with no crown

I’m just a Holy Fool, oh baby he’s so cruel

But I’m still in love with Judas, baby

I’m just a Holy Fool, oh baby he’s so cruel

But I’m still in love with Judas, baby”

-Lady Gaga, “Judas”

It hadn’t happened yet. Nothing had happened yet. Kili had been nothing but a perfect gentleman towards Fili, shockingly. It didn’t help that once the student body had caught wind of the two spending time together-talking together-eating lunch together, Fili’s youth group had sat him down for a ‘come to Jesus’, heart-to-heart, about his dating choices. Or that his parents had seen the rough-looking brunette come round Fili’s house every now and again to pick him up for a perfectly chaste date over the past couple months, and were suddenly creating all sorts of rules and boundaries in his life that had never existed before Kili’s appearance. It would have all been worth it, it was all worth it even without any sex, but…but for Fili’s wicked insecurities, doubts, mistrust.

Was he a suddenly the Doubting Thomas to his paramour? If Kili was Judas than Fili was waiting to be betrayed, but he had said he would suspend judgment…he would trust. It’s just that…if Kili wasn’t sexing Fili up, and the blonde certainly knew the brunette’s promiscuous track record, than who was he sexing up?

It was the suddenly nervous twitches he had taken to carrying on with in the brunette’s presence, trying to ignore his persistent erection whenever his boyfriend, were they even boyfriends? Well, whenever Kili was around. It was the way he would clasp to Kili’s hand like it was his grounding to life, so far the only flesh the brunette had shared with him, they hadn’t even kissed.

Kili had taken him out on two dates a week for the past couple months they had been dating. They ate lunch together and Kili doodled silly, and sometimes crude, little notes and scribbles for Fili during class time. There had been no discussions over titles for their relationship, there had been nothing physical beyond holding hands, though the brunette seemed really keen on it. Though Fili now knew just about anything and everything there was to know about Kili.

At first, it had been the little gestures and body posturing Kili had put forth, aptly expressing his emotions without words, as the quiet brunette seemed to prefer. Fili got used to his silent communication rather quickly, sometimes finding himself verbally responding so a small movement or facial expression Kili would make, surprising them both at their quick and easy connection. Then, after several weeks, Kili started talking.

It just happened one night, out on the bleachers, under the stars, where they had just been…sitting. Sitting quietly in comfortable companionship, even though Fili was scooting close and trying to awkwardly cuddle the brunette, emotional brick wall that he was. Kili told Fili everything that night. About the dad that used to beat him, and then had left, and his mom that did her best to care for him but had debilitating medical issues of her own-fibromyalgia. The family that was broken, and alone in this world.

Kili told him numbly, no emotion on his face, no tears, and suddenly everything made sense. Fili had always thought Kili connected physically with people because he was quiet, he hadn’t realized the brunette was also holding back secrets, a painful life, and not just his errant trains of thought. The battered clothing made sense, his mom’s supplemental government funding wasn’t a lot, and he made the best of his situation and dressed up his clothes in a punk rock, gothic look he was comfortable with, for which the tattered items fit perfectly.

Then, then he had shared the truth. The shocking truth…Kili was in fact a virgin. He fucked around with a lot of people but had never actually fucked. More shocking, that Fili was the first person he had ever chosen to open up to, and that this was why he hadn’t done anything beyond holding hands, he hadn’t wanted to fuck over their budding relationship.

Fili didn’t know what it was about the cold metal bleachers, the chilled wind, the moon bright in the sky surrounded by stars glimmering through the city’s smog, or all of Kili’s revelations; but that was the night he decided he was in love with the brunette, with his Judas.

Fili pushed his warm body into Kili’s stiff, cold, rigid form…and hugged him, just grabbed him closely and hugged him-one person connecting with another in a visceral way as old as time. Hugs could be healing, and Fili wondered how many of the people Kili had ‘fucked around’ with had ever actually hugged him, or kissed him. Sex was sex, connecting was another thing entirely.

At first, Kili flinched away, unsure of what was happening. Then, he sunk into it, and tentatively grabbed Fili back, before burying his face into the blonde’s neck and inhaling his fresh scent comfortingly. Fili was everything to him, had been for a while, and he would be damned before he fucked this up. He could see the hollow look in the blonde’s eyes as of late, the fear, the doubt, and knew he needed to explain himself to Fili. So he had, and he hadn’t thought it could have ended like this, in a hug, something so simple and so perfect in its symbolic nature.

The next day they had lunch together again, under the trees, in the hot sun, and Kili kissed Fili. It was a shock, over the cooling hot-lunch trays, the itchy grass, and the noisy buzz from the nearby students. Fili had been idly wondering if he could get out of football practice to spend more time with Kili when the brunette had leaned over and clumsily pushed their mouths together. Fili jumped and spluttered, surprised, and Kili’s face had shaded red while he pulled back, embarrassed and awkward. Fili never thought he’d see the day when the smug, smirking brunette would get all flustered over something like kissing, and he wondered again if Kili had really ever been kissed.

Fili brought their lips together again, grabbing at Kili’s baggy, band t-shirt, and yanking him in close, clinging to him in neediness. It was clumsy and fumbled, wet and sticky, and when they finally separated to catch their breath, Fili blushed at the long string of saliva still connecting their lips. Kili smirked at the blushing blonde but softened the gesture with a small brush of his hand to Fili’s arm, silently saying, ‘it’s alright, it affected me too’. Fili’s heart jumped, and he forgot all about the carnal ways he had daydreamed of Kili’s body against his, in his, and just felt…happy, purely so, at their simple and wonderful kiss, on the grass, in front of the entire school.

Now here they were, months after that first, flustered kiss. Fili was naked, on his back, and had his legs open for the brunette under the bleachers. It was late at night but not so late that someone couldn’t walk by and see them, but Fili didn’t care. The moon was high in the sky and the dew was starting to dampen the grass coolly, but Fili hardly noticed as he squirmed against the wetness, feeling like his entire body was on fire where Kili’s talented fingers touched him.

Fili had been surprised, when Kili had gone slowly at first, only kissing for the third and fourth months of their…relationship. Fili noticed Kili never liked to put a title on them.

Then, he had smirked in his sinful way one night during dinner and pressed his foot against the hard, bulging crotch of Fili’s pants.

“You’re always hard around me, Blondie, that must be rough on you,” Kili smirked from across the table, as his narrow converse shoe massaged roughly against the blonde’s crotch.

It seemed Kili’s demon had come out to play that night, as he pushed Fili into the back of his car after dinner and finally took the blonde’s eager cock deep into his throat. Kili swallowed all the blonde gave him and shot his own release into his pants as he choked on Fili’s spunk. Kili was as shocked as Fili, how many times had he given a blowjob? Not once had he ever cum from just that, no touching; apparently their physical chemistry was as hot as hellfire.

Since then, they had fucked around with hand jobs and even fingering. Fili always let Kili take the lead, even when they were doing things the brunette was, as of yet, unfamiliar with. A few times, Kili had let Fili suck on him, and that was sinfully erotic. Fili loved to be on his knees, suckling at Kili’s dick like a milk-giving tit, moaning like a whore around the brunette’s hard length.

Now, as Fili lay on his back in the grass, Kili’s finger deep inside of him, he begged for more-but Kili could be cruel, and never did give him more than one finger, until now. Kili pulled the rubber beads out of his pocket and smirked wickedly at the panting blonde, holding them up in the moonlight before his surprised gaze.

“Thought you might like these, Blondie, and if you do well with them, next time I’ll give you more than one finger,” he purred, slicking the long string of beads up with the small tube of lube Kili always seemed to have on him.

They were pink colored, and started very small. The smallest one the size of a kernel of corn, but got larger till the top one, the size of one of those small, rubber, bouncy balls kids got out of the gumball machines in the grocery stores. Between, a thick, plastic rope connected them all. 

As Kili pushed the first few beads in slowly, Fili mewled under the sensations, they went so much deeper than the brunette’s finger ever did. By the time Kili was at the top few beads, steadily getting larger, Fili was groaning as he felt his tight pucker involuntarily blossoming open and spasming around the continual intrusion. Fili took a deep breath and pushed down, while Kili slid the last bead in, leaving only the plastic, ring handle sticking out of the blonde’s slit.

Kili moved to lie on top of the naked blonde, still fully clothed himself, and dragged his denim-covered crotch over Fili’s naked sex, pulling delicious moans from his pink lips.

“You’re as much of a slut as me, I think, Blondie,” Kili smirked down at him, rubbing their pelvises together teasingly.

“O-only for you, Kee,” Fili panted out, while his tight pucker continued to clench and spasm with the slight weight of the beads inside him, and his cock throbbed and pulsed for release.

Kili reached between them and gathered a drop of Fili’s precum, bringing it to his tongue with a sultry wink, and sucking the finger between his sinful lips.

“Fili?” Kili suddenly asked, stilling his movements.

Fili froze; Kili never used his real name, ever.

“Yeah, Kili?” he asked timidly, though he felt his little hole continue to flutter around the beads, even with nervous butterflies rumbling in his gut.

“Y-you’re…we’re, I mean…ah, fuck it,” Kili started, huffing in frustration, and grunting as he raised himself on his elbows to meet the blonde’s sapphire gaze under the moonlight, “You’re my boyfriend, right? Like, you know we’re not just fucking around here, right?” he stated gruffly, perhaps with more than a hint of insecurity behind the fronted words.

“Oh, Kili,” Fili breathed out, squirming under him and panting in his arousal, “Kee, I love you, I’ve loved you for a long time now. Of course I’ll be your boyfriend, you just never asked, and I…I guess I thought you didn’t want that,” he finished with a low moan, struggling to think beyond his arousal and wondering if Kili hadn’t put him in this situation before asking in the hopes his distraction would lessen the potential for rejection-as if he should be worried Fili would reject him.

Kili beamed at him, and he was so gorgeous on top of Fili, smiling like that, when he so rarely smiled and only smirked. The brunette leaned down and crashed their mouths together, still a bit bumpy in kissing after all this time, before he reached down between them and started tugging at the plastic ring attached to the beads inside Fili temptingly. 

Fili moaned louder now, knowing it always brought a pleased smirk to Kili’s face when he let himself loose and allowed his noises to slip whorishly from his mouth.

Kili reached down and fumbled with his zipper, pulling his own dick out and fisting both their sexes hotly, rubbing up and down while their foreskin rolled and slid together. Kili was already getting close, it didn’t take much to make him spill for Fili, and the blonde was wailing into the night. Kili used his free hand to suddenly tug the beads out of Fili’s slit one by one and it triggered the blonde’s release, suddenly convulsing and shaking underneath the brunette as he shot his hot seed all over them both.

Kili tensed up, loving the feel of Fili’s warm cum as it splashed on his own hardness, and groaned as he finished onto his boyfriend’s crotch.

“Blondie?” Kili panted when they were lying side by side, staring at the stars, while their spunk dried against their skin stickily.

Fili reached over and grabbed Kili’s hand, lacing their fingers like they had only done for the first, long months of their relationship, and squeezed, giving his silent response.

“I love you too, I think I always have in my own, fucked-up way,” Kili murmured, suddenly trying to tug his fingers back shyly.

“If you’re fucked-up, Kee, then I’m right there with you,” Fili responded simply.

As his boyfriend drove him home, such a nice title that made Fili smile, he thought perhaps they would end up alright after all. His love for Kili had consumed him, much like his earlier, carnal desires had; and he didn’t regret a moment of it. His love might sink him like a brick, drown him like a corpse, if he were betrayed; but he didn’t see the battered brunette leaving him anytime soon, and he wouldn’t abandon Kili either. His Judas needed him, and he would do as Christ did and love him all the same, even if it might hurt him in the end.


	3. Mary Magdalene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Fili finds Kili in a compromising position, he assumes the worst.

“In the most Biblical sense,

I am beyond repentance

Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind

But in the cultural sense

I just speak in future tense

Judas, kiss me if offenced,

Or wear an ear condom next time

I wanna love you,

But something’s pulling me away from you

Jesus is my virtue,

Judas is the demon I cling to

I cling to

I’m just a Holy Fool, oh baby he’s so cruel

But I’m still in love with Judas, baby

I’m just a Holy Fool, oh baby he’s so cruel

But I’m still in love with Judas, baby”

-Lady Gaga, “Judas”

Nothing really mattered anymore, so Fili didn’t know why he was so upset. Through the flighty emotions wrecking his insides, he couldn’t say why tears streamed down his face as he heaved up his stomach’s meager contents into the school toilet. He had known this would happen; life was always too good to be true. The Church tried to paint every picket fence white-washed, and his parents tried to sugar coat the cruelty of existence, but he knew, he had always known-how could he have ever thought to hold onto such a wonderful, wicked, and secretly tender creature?

His Judas was bound to roam, how interesting could a Jesus be to one such as him anyway? So he had been betrayed, as he had always known would happen, and it hit him in the gut like a brick, over and over, as he choked on acidic bile on the dirty, tile floors of the dingy bathroom.

“Blondie! Oh fuck, Blondie!” Kili shouted in alarm, crashing through the old door to the bathroom, before clattering over to the stall Fili was huddled in and pounding on the laminate door, “Blond-fuck-Fili? Fili!”

The blonde wiped the bile from his face on the clean sleeve of his polo shirt, not caring as he left orange stains behind, and rasped hoarsely, “W-what’s up, Kili? Did you n-need something?” he croaked, because sure, why the fuck couldn’t he try to play this off as calm and casual, no skin off his back, when they both knew that was utter bullshit. To save face at this point was laughable at best, pathetic at worst, but Fili didn’t have anything else left to go on. 

Kili almost laughed in shock, he had darted after the clearly hurt blonde in a panic, and obviously Fili had been…sick, or something, from the staunch odor seeping from the stall-and he wanted to play this off all cool? Kili might have laughed; if he truly weren’t so terrified he had just accidentally fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him.

“F-fuck, Fili…just, open the door,” Kili breathed out, resting his hand against the cool door in near desperation as he blinked back tears, needing to see the blonde’s face, to see that love still shined in his eyes, and not only the painful despair he had witnessed not five minutes prior.

He shouldn’t have let it happen, shouldn’t have let her corner him like that; but she had been crying, and Kili liked to act like he didn’t give a fuck, but on some level, he did. The cheerleader wasn’t a Mary Magdalene; there was no redemption for her, not in his eyes, not even with tears, really, and especially not now. Though, when she had first approached him, cornering him by the vacant, shaded lot outside at lunch where he normally ate with Fili every day, the tears had looked genuine, and he had given her a chance to speak her final confessional.

Jealousy was a powerful thing though, and for someone who used to be an old hand at manipulation, especially of an amorous nature, Kili had been taken in easily by the pretty girl, doe-eyed and in tears. Her conniving plan ripped through him with true colors, claws and fangs, as she glanced at the approaching blonde out of the corner of her eye, her senseless babbling slowing down, before she rocked forward into the brunette’s space and crushed their mouths together crudely.

Kili pulled back and pushed on her clamping arms with a loud, angry exclamation, but the damage had been done. All Fili had been around long enough to witness was a crying cheerleader, the same girl he had seen on her back for the brunette so long ago under the bleachers, a concerned-looking Kili, maybe still retaining caring feelings for her, and a kiss between the two.

Silence greeted Kili from the other side of the stall door and he nearly cried in distress; this was it, he had fucked up beyond the point of forgiveness, and now he would be alone again. It would be worse than before, because now he knew what his life could be with Fili, knew how bright the blonde could make things.

“Blondie, Fee, I hope you know she cornered me. I didn’t want blow her off because she was crying, and then she kissed me when you walked up. I pushed her off, you know you’re the only one I’ve kissed, and-just-fuck Fili, I love you, you know? I wouldn’t fuck around on you like that-never!” Kili rushed out, ending in a desperate pitch.

The stall door opened and Fili shuffled out, looking miserable himself, “Really?” he rasped, not even meeting Kili’s eyes.

“Really, Blondie, please trust me. I know it’s been hard for you but, I thought we were in a better place with that, you know?” Kili whispered, reaching out tentatively to squeeze at the blonde’s cold, limp fingers, “I mean, this was just shit luck,” he sighed.

Fili swallowed and nodded, sniffling slightly, and finally met Kili’s gaze, “I do trust you, and I’m sorry I assumed the worst before figuring out what was going on. I really do love you, Kili, and I know that means trust also. I know you don’t like to get deep with emotional things, but you know you really do hold my heart in your hands, right? And I hope you wouldn’t throw it all away,” he whispered slowly, feeling vulnerable tears prick embarrassingly at his sapphire eyes.

Kili felt the natural responses well up within him, sarcasm, a quick jibe, anything to relieve the tense focus on his feelings; but this was Fili, and he loved the blonde, probably more than either of them knew.

“I know. And I feel the same. I…fuck,” Kili groaned in frustration, running his fingers through his tangled hair and tugging in irritation, “Okay. You know we’ve been dating for like, what, almost a year, now? And, we’re graduating soon?” Kili started abruptly, shuffling nervously and tugging on his ripped denim jeans in anxiety.

Fili nodded, confused as shit, and wondering if he really wanted to know where this was going because he had a hope but didn’t want to see it all dashed if he was just being some sort of sentimental dumbass.

“I don’t want to leave you. Ever. And I…did you wanna get a place together? Like I know you’re going to college and stuff, and I’ll probably try and do something at the community college; and I would have to stay close to Mom to help her out, or maybe the state will cover an in-home nurse. I dunno, but-mpfh!” Kili was abruptly cut off as Fili lurched forward and crashed their lips together fervently, not even caring the brunette’s lips were still a bit sticky from the cheerleader’s lip-gloss.

“Bad timing,” Fili murmured against the startled brunette’s lips, smirking uncharacteristically, “But yes, Kee, I would love to move in with you. Next time, don’t kiss some random chick and then decided to finally talk about feelings again,” he chuckled lowly before grabbing the skinny teen into a huge bear hug and crushing him against his chest happily, pressing tiny, annoyingly cute kisses all over Kili’s face as he squirmed and grunted in mock-irritation.

“I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me!” Kili huffed as he was released.

“Whatever, Kee. Just, let’s not do that again, yeah?” Fili asked quietly, a raw shard of vulnerability glimmering through once more, briefly, before it vanished with a hopeful look at Kili’s echoing, vehement response.

“Fuck, no! Blondie, you’re it for me,” Kili grumbled out, face brightening to a blushing red with the amount of feelings he had poured from his dumb lips in such a short time, “Okay, so…we’ve clearly already ditched classes for the afternoon; so, wanna suck each other off under the bleachers?” he smirked with a mischievous lilt.

Fili shook his head at Kili’s crass offer, but grinned despite himself, “Man do you know how to lay on the romance,” he laughed, rolling his eyes, “And so far we’ve only missed the first of our afternoon classes, and I don’t need a reason for my parents to keep me from going on our date later,” the blonde chided gently, grabbing Kili’s arm and hauling him out of the bathroom and into the hallway.

“Think how awesome it’s gonna be next year, with our own place, no parents and a bed to fuck you properly in,” Kili supplied cheerfully, grinning widely as he was dragged through the hall to their next class.

Fili just sighed in affectionate exasperation, “Jesus Christ, Kee. I love you too,” he huffed a bit at Kili’s current, unhelpful frame of mind as he was trying to get them both to class with the intent to stay out of trouble.

“I love you more, Fili,” Kili suddenly replied, grounding to a stop mid-hall and taking the moment to stare at Fili seriously, “You’re fucking perfect, and I won’t mess this up.”

“I know, Kili. This is it, I know,” Fili responded softly, almost wavering on his feet as he realized how far they had come in such a relatively short time, and how fulfilled and happy he was over it all despite the crap that had come along for the ride.

If Kili had ever been a Judas-he had redeemed himself now, for, and through, Fili, really. Fili had given himself entirely to Kili and he hoped he never lived to regret that decision, and he didn’t think he would regret it, after all-ever. As Kili turned his head, nearly shy, and laced his fingers with Fili’s, the blonde knew he had found his beginning and end within the brunette, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 


	4. Marry The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili have their happily ever after!

“I'm gonna marry the night

I'm not gonna cry anymore

I'm gonna marry the night

Leave nothing on these streets to explore”

-Lady Gaga, “Marry the Night”

-6 Years Later-

Kili nervously fiddled with the stiff button down shirt his mom had forced him into before she swatted his hands away in affectionate exasperate while he grimaced, pulling a face just like a child, though he was now nearly twenty-five years old. It was not the first time he had dressed up in his life but it was a rare occasion, and he couldn’t stop grabbing at the high collar or stiff cuffs confining his wrists.

He worked with the local, no-kill animal shelter, helping to rehabilitate abused and, as a consequence, sometimes dangerous animals, with the hopes they would be fit for ‘forever homes’ one day. As such, his torn denim, leather, and ripped t-shirt look had stayed past high school, through the brief time he spent at community college getting a two-year certification, all the way up till present day. His mom had stuffed him in this getup and nagged until he removed a few of his facial piercings, but he had kept his favorite, and his lover’s favorite, lip piercing in stubbornly, and was currently enjoying fiddling with it since he couldn’t tug at his pressed dress slacks.

The brunette glanced at the clock and idly wondered what his lover was doing at this moment; was Fili also getting bullied by his parents? More than likely, as they were some of the most uptight folks he had ever met. After all this time, they still looked at Kili in near horror when he came over for the holidays, still judged their golden son’s choice of partner when they eyed his piercings and more recently, the new, large tattoo decorating the brunette’s throat. Just because it was in their son’s honor didn’t mean they had to like it, and of course, they didn’t.

Fili was currently arguing with his mom over pulling his hair into a long braid or leaving it in a bun at the base of his neck, as Kili was accustomed to seeing. He was pretty sure the snarky brunette would laugh at him if he saw the blonde’s long tresses all done up in a french braid like his mom wanted. Really, when he had finally talked Kili into officially marrying him, he had been able to do so with the promise of a tiny wedding in the court house. Then their parents had gotten involved, and now here they were, in Fili’s parent’s church, about to meet each other at the altar. Fili was wearing a nice suit, but Kili’s mom had only been able to bully the flighty brunette into suit slacks and a dress shirt-no tie or suit jacket. Fili felt bad to an extent with how much of a fuss Kili’s mom was making over this all, but couldn’t help a glimmer of amusement and happiness at how much joy he could see the chronically ill woman was getting from this whole occasion.

They had moved into a tiny, crappy apartment right out of high school; and while Fili’s parent’s weren’t thrilled with his choice of partner, and his lack of marriage to said partner, it worked for them. Fili had graduated college and gone on to be a banker, something Kili teased him endlessly about, with it being ‘such an uptight job’ and all. Though with Fili’s job they had recently been able to purchase a house right next to Kili’s mom’s home, allowing them to look in on her more often, even with the in-home nurse that visited.

Fili knew Kili wasn’t ever leaving him; ‘not for anything’ the brunette would occasionally reassure Fili when he felt the need, always blurting it out after a fight or insecure glance from the blonde. Yet, for all that, Fili did want the wedding rings, the certificate, and the domestic title of ‘husband’ for his partner. It had taken years of prodding and nagging, and finally Kili had agreed, but only if he didn’t have to dress up-which is largely what had deterred him from the whole affair to begin with, not being interested in big events, shy and skittish as he could be. In the beginning, Kili had even offered to get married at the court house with just the two of them, or to head off to Vegas and get hitched at a midnight chapel, but Fili dug his heels in for their parents to be allow to attend, knowing it would mean the world to both his parents and Kili’s mom.

Now, here they were, about to get married in a big church wedding, and Fili didn’t know if he was feeling bubbles of happiness or nervous butterflies over the old, nagging insecurity that maybe, just maybe, Kili would leave him at the altar. He had always wondered if the brunette’s stubborn refusal of a wedding with witnesses was not just because he was shy, hated dressing up, and despised dealing with the government in any form-be it to apply for a marriage license or not; but really because he didn’t want to be permanently tied to Fili.

Fili talked his mom into a bun with a, ‘let’s not make this harder on Kili and go with a style he’s used to’, and adjusted his suit one last time before stepping up to the side door to the church, ready to enter and meet his future husband at the altar-hopefully.

His mom had left to find her place in the pews, and Fili took some deep breaths, before opening the door and walking in. He looked up from his polished shoes and met Kili’s eyes across the long, horizontal aisle. Even though the brunette looked thoroughly uncomfortable, and a tad irritated, Fili couldn’t help the huge, sappy grin that lit his face up like a holy glow; Kili was there, he hadn’t left Fili at the altar, and now they would be married for the rest of their lives.

Kili saw his lover’s face shining with joy beatifically, halo and all, just like the Christ he was, and he felt his own lips twitch into an answering grin; all this bullshit really was worth it, with that happy look on Fili’s countenance. They met at the altar and Kili grabbed the blonde to him and kissed him firmly, overwhelmed with emotions, and dealing by expressing his love in one of the surest ways he knew how-physically. Fili chuckled and kissed him back while the pastor cleared her throat and mumbled a small reproach at the amorous, happy couple.

Kili pulled back and grinned, eyeing the blonde up and down in his sexy suit, and rasped, “Yeah, I can do this,” before turning to the pastor and saying, “Let’s do this,” while she only shook her head in exasperation before opening the book of ceremonies to start.

Fili could hear his parents sighing from the front row, and laughed slightly, gaze lingering on the tattoo Kili had gotten across his throat, bearing Fili’s name in cursive, surrounded by a combination of crosses and punk stars, symbolic for them both. He loved everything about the dark, midnight brunette, who he still fondly thought of as his Judas, though Kili had never betrayed him, in all their years together.

So he would marry the night, his dark Judas, his midnight lover; and as they stood in the sunlight pouring in from the stained glass windows, small group of family watching on, while the pastor calmly read from scripture, he squeezed Kili’s hand tight, and mouthed, ‘I love you’ to the adorably flustered brunette. He would marry the night, and never look back. 


End file.
